90's Child

Alright. This one's not my original. It's an interesting compilation I came across on Facebook. The last decade of the last century of the last millennium was probably a wonderful time to pass your childhood in. The list reproduced below is an ode to that golden period. The points I found true about myself have been highlighted using bold-face. If you indeed are a 90's child, I am sure you will find it really interesting to go through the list...

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You Know You Grew Up in India in the 90s When…

1) You know the words to ‘In-pin-safety-pin’ and ‘akkad-bakkad’ by heart

2) Cricket is almost a religion for you, and you idolize at least one of Rahul Dravid/Sachin Tendulkar/Saurav Ganguly

3) You have read at least some Chacha Chaudhary or Tinkle comics

4) You’ve watched Shaktimaan on TV at least once in your life. And you can immediately recognize the character when you see him.

5) You have some ‘NRI’ relatives.

6) You couldn’t wait for it to be December so you could have the Toblerone chocolates your NRI relatives brought you

7) You watched Cartoon Network, and then the late night movies on TNT that came after Cartoon Network ended.

8) You watched corny dubbed versions of Small Wonder, Silver Spoon, and I Dream of Jeanie

9) You were THRILLED when McDonald’s opened in your neighborhood (or even eight kilometers away)

10) A visit to Pizza Hut used to mean a special treat

11) You have seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at least 5 times each

12) You still remember the theme song of Hum Paanch. (Hum Paanch, Pam Pam Pam Paanch!)

13) You have played hours upon hour of running and catching, chor-police, lagori, saankli, ‘Doctor, doctor, help us!’, ‘Lock and key’

14) Dog ‘in’ the bone was your favorite co-ed game.

15) Much of your free time in school was spent playing UNO.

16) You collected trump cards of wrestlers, cricketers, and airplanes, and did not quite understand why your younger siblings were obsessed with Pokemon and the other Japanese trends that followed.

17) Your summer vacations were often synonymous with visiting your grandparents or cousins

18) Your parents, at some point, told you ‘Dark Room’ was a bad game to play. But you still loved playing it.

19) Bole mere lips, I love uncle Chips!

20) You know the song ‘Made in India’ by Alisha Chinai

21) You have seen many many many episodes of ‘Antakshari’ on Zee TV and know the only thing constant in the show is Annu Kapoor.

22) Many evenings have been spent watching little kids gyrate vulgarly on Boogie Woogie on Sony.

23) You were the coolest thing in class if you had a computer in your house while it was still the 90s.

24) You learnt LOGO and BASIC in school!

25) You couldn’t wait to start 4th standard so you could start writing with PENS instead of with pencils!

26) You often used terms and phrases like ‘two-say’, ‘same to you, back to you, with no returns’, and ‘shame shame, puppy shame, all the donkeys know your name.’

27) You most probably saw Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge at the cinema at least once. You also fantasized about singing songs in mustard fields as in the movie.

28) You have seen David Dhawan and Govinda movies and laughed at them.

29) You have said ‘haw’ or ‘yuck’ when you saw people kissing in English movies. (nowadays kids are used to it!)

30) Titanic was your FIRST favourite english movie.

31) You thought seeing English movies and speaking English made you the coolest thing ever.

32) You remember the Gujarat earthquake very clearly and could possibly tell everyone EXACTLY what you were doing when the earthquake occurred (yes, this happened in 2001, January 26, 2001, to be exact — but this group is about the things that Indian kids that GREW UP in the 90s remember and identify with).

33) Barbies for girls, and GI Joes for boys were the ultimate status symbols. You just wanted more more more and more. And how can I forget Hot Wheels, for both boys and girls?

34) You thought ‘imported’ clothes were definitely way better than ‘made in India’ clothes (never mind that a lot of clothes brought from overseas by NRI relatives were actually made in India, before ‘Made in China’ started appearing on EVERY existing thing)

35) "Jungle Jungle Baat Chali Hai Pata Chala Hai! Chaddi Pehen Ke Phool Khila Hai Phool Khila Hai!" You watched "The Jungle Book" every Sunday morning at 9.a.m" and just loved mowgli, bhalu and bagheera. A few years later, you watched Disney Hour, which had cartoons like Aladdin, Gummy Bears, Tail Spin, Uncle Scrooge!

36) At some point or other, cool was your favourite, and therefore, most overused word.

37) Captain Planet was your first introduction to environmental consciousness.

38) You have tried to convince people around you to not burst crackers on Diwali, and then gone straight back home and burst them yourself.

39) You have had endless packets of Parle Gluco G biscuits, and of Brittania Little Hearts biscuits.

40) You loved licking off the cream from the centre of Bourbon biscuits.

41) There were no Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma- Bata and Liberty was the way to go for your sports shoes.

42) You have probably consumed more Frooti in your lifetime than there is oil in Iraq.

43) You watched Baywatch on Star World when nobody was home even though (or because) your parents said you shouldn’t watch it.

44) You bought packets of potato chips for the specific purpose of collecting Tazos. And you had Tazos depicting everyone from Confucius to Daffy Duck to Daffy Duck dressed as Confucius.

45) For the longest time, the Maruti 800, the Premier Padmini, THE Fiat, and THE Ambassador were the only cars you saw on the road, and the Contessa was cool because it was bigger.

46) You would literally jump up in excitement if you ever chanced upon an imported car (Oh my gosh, is that really a MERCEDES?)!

47) You spent a good part of 1998 drooling over the Hyundai Santro and the Daewoo Matiz , debating which one was better.

48) You used to Fuzen gum. You also chewed Big (big) Babool and/or Boom Boom Boomer chewing gum. They were bright pink and disgusting tasting, but you loved them for the temporary tattoos.

49) Talking of temporary tattoos, you sometimes had contests with your classmates about who had more tattoos on their arm, leg, knee, hand, forehead, wherever.

50) You thought Mario and Contra were the coolest things ever invented, especially if you were a boy.

51) You knew that having the latest Hero or Atlas bicycle would make you the coolest kid on the block.

52) You can imitate Sushmita Sen’s winning gasp to perfection.

53) You have, at some point of time, worn GAP clothes (real or fake) like SRK in KKHH.

54) Seemingly senseless acronyms like SRK, DDLJ, DTPH, KKHH actually make sense to you..

55) You have at some point debated who was more beautiful- Aishwarya or Sushmita.

56) Baskin Robbins ice-cream was THE thing to have!

57) You know what Campa Cola is. And you also knew that Coca Cola was THE drink.

58) You would watch WWF keenly every evening/afternoon and loved Bret Hart "Hitman"! really thought Undertaker had seven lives and he made an “actual” appearance in the Akshay Kumar- starrer Khiladiyon ka Khiladi.

59) When all backpacks (or ’schoolbags’) and water bottles and tiffin boxes had strange cartoon characters that were hybrid versions of seven or eight different characters, and you still bought them, because a green man wih a water pistol, boots, a jet-pack, Johnny bravo hair, a rajasthani mustache, gloves, and underwear (long johns) over his pants, called ‘Mr. X’ was OBVIOUSLY a status symbol.

60) You remember the Nirma tikia jingle.

61) You remember the Nirma girl.

62) You remember the ‘doodh doodh piyo glass full doodh’ ad and also the ‘laal kaala peela, gulabi hara neela classic hai badia bristles wala’ and 'roz khao ande' ads.

63) You grew up reading, if you read at all, some or all of Nancy Drews, Enid Blyton books, Hardy Boys, Babysitters Club, Animorphs, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley series, Judy Blumes, and Tintin, or Archie comics. Because naturally, reading foreign authors made you much cooler than reading Tinkle.

64) Towards the late 90s (1998-99) at least some of us started our Harry Potter obsessions!

65) You absolutely HAD to go to Essel World if you were with cousins! “Essel World mein rahoonga main, ghar nahin nahin jaaonga main!” (I never went but always dreamed of going there!)

66) You watched the Bournvita Quiz contest on TV pretty religiously. The smarter ones amongst you actually took part in it and had your entire school and your entire extended families watch you on it!

67) Maggi 2 Minute Noodles = ultimate snack (and tiffin, lunch, dinner)!

68) If you grew up in the early 90s, you recall the nation’s obsession with Mahabharata on TV

69) In the later 90s, you religiously followed Hip Hip Hooray on Zee. Maybe Just Mohabbat on Sony too

70) You remember parzan dastur sayin "JALEBI!!!!" in the Dhara Ad

71) You eagerly awaited Friendship Day, so you could give friendship bands to all your friends, and get bands from them in return. Then, of course, those with the most bands loved to show them off.

72) Backstreet Boys' "Quit Playing Games" was one of the first english songs that you LOVED!

73) Andaz Apna Apna is and most probably will always be your favourite comedy flick!! "Aila Jhakaas!!!"

74) Cordless phones were uber-cool.

75) You know what Name, Place, Animal, Thing is!

76) This list made you smile.

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My score : 65! [Naturally, a few variations of whatever's written above are permitted]

Hail, the 90's Child!

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Apollo's Ire

A good doctor treats a disease. A great doctor treats a patient. The medical education system, which I am a part of, is probably suffieciently equipped to churn out good doctors. But, rarely does this framework go beyond the realms of scientific teachings and cultivate a batch of great doctors. Free medical services do not give you the license to compromise on the quality of healthcare - something which professionals associated with government hospitals all over the country need to be reminded. When you become a doctor and undertake the Hippocratic Oath, you embark on a voyage in the sea of humanity. Storms in the forms of diseases have to be weathered and newer and better routes to good health need to be constantly chartered. Sadly, the money-making tendencies and the lack of a moral dimension to medical practice has brought about a partial, if not complete, erosion of these extremely essential social ingredients of medical profession.

I have watched with my own eyes, a patient first become a clinical history, then an examination, a diagnosis, a chart, a case number and eventually a shabbily stored hospital record. I have seen a sick man stand in line for six hours, waiting and still waiting, to be shuffled through an inefficient system of impatient receptionists, an overworked nursing staff and a breed of doctors who couldn't care less. I have seen patients in a pathetic state being robbed of whatever little comfort and dignity they carried when they entered the hospital premises. I have seen them languishing in their beds by the day, oblivious to the hustle-bustle in the wards. I have heard them howling in the nights with noone to alleviate their pain. I have watched a patient being told bluntly that he had cancer - irrevocable and invariably fatal - and then shoved out of the clinician's room to ponder over his impending end. I have seen twenty abdomens being examined in thirty minutes without so much as a glance at the fear writ large on the face of the patients. I have seen the facial muscles of an old man's wife twitch as two junior residents mutter gross jargon with sardonic smiles over her husband's ailing body.

I am ashamed that such inhuman actions are perpetrated under the guise of State-sponsored charity. I am ashamed that the sick of the society are seen as liabilities and obligations. I am ashamed that we have become so insensitive and academically carried away that we are more interested in the disease rather than the diseased. The worrying rise in the incidence of nosocomial (hospital acquired) cross-infections is another indication that all is not well with our public tertiary health services. Patients instead of getting treated, often go out in a worse situation than ever before. They are overloaded with empirical pharmacological agents and acted upon as experiments for the young and the ignorant. Mind you - the situation is this bad only in the civil hospitals. Their private counterparts literally pamper their patients even if it is eventually only to fill their own pockets. The time has come to infuse humanity back into medicine. The time has come to understand that your patient is someone's father, brother, husband or son and if not even that - atleast he is a fellow human being, created and loved by God, just as you are. The time has come to win back the faith of the Gods and carry out in earnest the job entrusted to us. It might be a mere professional routine to us but for someone else it is a matter between life and death...

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Saffron, White and Green

Today, on independent India's 63rd birthday, let us not talk about where we are lagging. Let us not whip the lousy bureaucrats or the stinking hypocrites who tarnish our country. Let us not spin an incomprehensible tale about two Indias - one fresh and fervent and the other inactive and indolent. Let today's narration register my feelings of pride -

The pride I feel when I am called an Indian. The pride I feel when India is considered as a member of the league of global superpowers. The pride I feel when the happenings at Dalal Street evoke serious reactions in Wall Street. The pride I feel when an exuberant Dhoni hoists a silver cup and a dejected Ponting stares into nothingness. The pride I feel when a Saina and a Sania wield two different racquets with the same compassion. The pride I feel when Sachin Tendulkar's face at 35 shows the same delight when he reaches triple figures as it showed when it was 18. The pride I feel when an Indian jawan patrols over impossible terrains to protect his motherland. The pride I feel when the musical genius of Rehman effortlessly renders 'Jaya He' with Pandit Jasraj and 'Jai Ho' for Danny Boyle. The pride I feel when an Indian beauty mesmerizes shutterbugs in Cannes and Venice. The pride I feel when our cine-legends get to marvel their wax effigies in London. The pride I feel when an Indian kid beats his American counterparts in their own language at the Spelling-Bee competitions. The pride I feel when despite years of communal strife, Hindus still flock Ajmer and Muslims still pay homages at Banaras. The pride I feel when Ratan Tata silences his detractors by giving the people of India the first and the only Common Man's Car. The pride I feel when India flexes its military muscle in the field displays at the Republic Day celebrations in Delhi. The pride I feel when rubbishing all modern cultural influences, an Indian youth still doesn't fail to touch the feet of his elders. The pride I feel when I see the entire healthcare system of the nation collectively persevering to battle pandemics and epidemics all round the clock. The pride I feel when books of Chetan Bhagat and Salman Rushdie sell like hotcakes at the local book-stores. The pride I feel when Mumbai and other blast-hit cities show unparalleled courage and concord to make the shards of terrorism blunter with each attack. The pride I feel when a group of fourth-graders discuss Pachauri and global warming with authority and interest. The pride I feel when I see the sky decorated with a thousand colours on Uttarayan and a shower of lights on Deepawali. The pride I feel when a billion aspirations take flight at the break of every dawn and quite a number of them manage to soar till enviable heights. The pride I feel when the lullabies of the night put those billion avian aspirations to sleep with the knowledge of having inched closer to their destinations. The pride I feel when the tri-colour unfurls over the roof of a building. The pride I feel when soul-stirring patriotic songs pour out of All-India Radio transmitters. The pride I feel when I call India my love, my home, my motherland. The pride I feel....a pride we all ought to feel.

Happy birthday, independent India. May your Gods bless you.

NOTE: That was indeed quite a long list of prides. Knowing the cynical fools that we are, the list of shames would probably be even longer. But, we have until the next fifteenth of August to talk about that!

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Bat and Baal

Cricket, they say, is no longer a mere sport in India. In a manner of speaking it is a religion - with its own legion of faithfuls, followers and fanatics. From a quite different viewpoint, it is also a business - a money-spinning machine of mammoth proportions. And the truth of this hit me a few days ago under the most astonishing of circumstances. Given that I had spent the previous two months under a mode of rigorous study for the then-forthcoming 1st MBBS University Examinations, my hair had grown fairly beyond the accepted bounds of civilized appearance. And so, on a Sunday evening, I made my way to a nearby hair-dressing saloon, caressing my hair fondly in the final moments of their existence.

The ICC, I believe, employs a highly structured and well-planned calendar for international ODI fixtures and all matches played in the course of the year strictly adhere to this schedule. Unfortunately, and unintentionally on their part I am sure, the third ODI between India and their southern neighbours Sri Lanka happened to fall on the same date as the one I went to get my haircut on ( I refuse to phrase this sentence in any other manner). Furthermore, the match was a 'day-and-night' encounter - and hence a head-on clash with my evening outing. And so, quite understandably, the first sight that met my eyes as I walked into the saloon was a pretentious Arun Lal delivering a pitch report. At this point, I also registered the fact that the saloon was unusually crowded - the reason for which dawned upon me some time later. By the time I was asked to be 'seated' for the haircut, the Sri Lankan innings had already commenced and Jayasuriya was strutting along the pitch like a bloodhound looking for prey. The Indian bowlers, as always, had already come mentally prepared for a vicious onslaught. It would have been prudent had I been prepared for the same as the next 20 minutes presented a horrible experience for me. The barber, like every true Indian, was a die-hard fan of cricket and considered it as his fundamental duty to watch every ball of the match that India happened to play. Hence every ball was marked by a long pause during which the barber's skillful hands came to a standstill and his eyes darted to the television to realize his cricketing duties. The hair-cutting procedure was thus punctuated by a number of such pauses and a rather nasty jerk which was the direct result of the dangerous Jaysuriya getting out. At that particular instant, I don't know whose heart was beating faster - Jayasuriya's as he was making the long walk back to the pavillion - or mine as I survived a possibly fatal cut in my scalp. I swore loudly but that was hardly heard amidst the cheers that rang through the saloon. By the time my scalp had been completely retouched, two more Lankan wickets had fallen and my head showed the signs of a rather clumsy haircut.

I also figured out the reason behind the unexpected rush at the saloon. This was India - and paan ka gallas, tea-stalls and hair-cutting saloons were the virtual reality simulators to get a feel of the cricket stadium while a match was on. Apparently, every single person sitting there was an expert in the game and had an advice and opinion for every player on the field. (The opinions were as senseless as those offered by the panelists on various sports channels). A middle-aged gentleman was incessantly proclaiming the bowling skills of Brett Lee, probably not being aware that Australia was not in action for the day. Another bearded chap was criticizing the Indian field placement, with a random and repeated use of the terms 'fine leg', 'long on' and 'Jonty Rhodes'. Stupid fools! - I thought - whiling away precious time and creating hassles for people-with-a-purpose like me. And, even as I was leaving the saloon, I caught the steady Jayawardene at the crease from the corner of my eye. A single over wouldn't do any harm, would it?

I walked out of the saloon, an hour later, having proudly sacrificed 60 minutes to unprofitable watching of a cricket match. But, even as I walked out, I solemnly resolved to never ever synchronize my haircut with an India-featuring cricket match.

PS: The resolution made in the last line is likely to be unceremoniously dumped as and when the next cricket match comes. My craving for cricket is so much that I am prepared to undergo through the rut again to watch a cricket match in that splendid atmosphere.


WHACKY QUOTES :

The rules of cricket are simple, and are summarised by the ICC as follows:

You have two sides, one team aiming for the batsman's bails and the others as batsmen trying to hit the ball as far as possible without the other team getting hit! Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. (Make SURE you DON'T go out!) When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in WTF! There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. And if something isn't fair it simply isn't cricket. and they sometimes even get hit in the head, which is funny.

When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

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